I’ll Be Awesome Tomorrow

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Marian Sandmaier’s memoir is a provocative anti-self-help prescription—a bold argument for letting go of the seductive, perilous pursuit of perfection.

From the time she was eight years old, Marian Sandmaier was fixated on one shining goal—to make herself perfect. She had no interest in tweaks or enhancements: Her ambition was to achieve a full-on personality transplant, exchanging an awkward, uncertain girl for a young goddess who was wildly charming and totally immune to rejection. Over the next 15 years, Sandmaier’s ceaseless efforts to hold herself to this impossible standard led to a destructive intimate relationship and an ever-deepening sense of failure. If she wasn’t perfect, who was she?

I’ll Be Awesome Tomorrow is a searingly honest account of one woman’s struggle to be flawless—and to finally feel worthy of love. But it also traces what comes after: the author’s slow, strenuous, and ultimately lifesaving work of facing her past and welcoming back her banished self. For anyone who has ever sought to be exemplary—in one’s career, body, personality, or relationships—to the point of exhaustion, this memoir shows that you can choose a gentler, more self-embracing path.

Praise for I’ll Be Awesome Tomorrow

“The emotionally charged family stories in this intimate memoir are powerful and moving. Sandmaier’s gift for storytelling and her ability to describe the wild, aching need to belong within and outside the boundaries of family life will stay with this reader for as long as forever.”

—Harriet Lerner, PhD, author of The Dance of Anger and Why Won’t You Apologize?

“In this beautiful and heartbreakingly honest book, Sandmaier shares both her struggles with depression and her journey toward the light. She offers important lessons on persistence, self-understanding, and acceptance. I recommend it to anyone who has ever felt despair, which is many of us.”

—Mary Pipher, bestselling author of Reviving Ophelia and A Life in Light

“As suspenseful as a detective story, Sandmaier’s powerful memoir uncovers the source of the agonizing perfectionism that almost destroyed her and vividly documents the steps she took to recover. This book will save lives.”

—Jean Kilbourne, creator of the award-winning documentary film series Killing Us Softly and an international speaker and activist on behalf of women’s health

“This is a spellbinding memoir. Tenderly written, it unearths the roots of one precious little girl’s perfectionistic despair in a way I’ve never read before. I drew breath and then I exhaled as Sandmaier’s story moves forward to something of a reconciliation—with her grief, sadness, and imperfections.”

—Thomas Curran, PhD, professor of psychology at the London School of Economics and bestselling author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough

“I’ll Be Awesome Tomorrow pulled me right in and never let me go. Marian Sandmaier beautifully reminds us that being heard and feeling loved—even imperfectly—allows us space to revise our self-blaming stories, and that doing this work is absolutely worth the effort.”

—Lynn Lyons, psychotherapist and author of The Anxiety Audit: 7 Sneaky Ways Anxiety Takes Hold and How to Escape Them‍

“This memoir is a gift to readers. Sandmaier offers an unforgettable example of how hanging on through life’s wild shifts, and asking for help when we need it, could be just enough to get us all through.”

—Lauren Dockett, journalist and author of The Deepest Blue: How Women Face and Overcome Depression

“Sandmaier does not pretend to have solved herself. She argues for something harder and more useful: learning to live without the fantasy of becoming flawless first. That makes this memoir sharp, humane, and worth the time.”

—Manhattan Book Review

“Really good art invites us to step into territory that allows us to be more real and more fully human. I’ll Be Awesome Tomorrow is that kind of art. If you’re a reader who struggles with perfection—always feeling that you have to be better than who you are—this book is perfect for you!”

—Robert Garfield, MD, psychiatrist and author of Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship

“One of the book’s loveliest themes is the essential power of love and trust to not only help us heal, but to allow us—maybe even compel us—to live.”

—Diane Cole, author of After Great Pain: A New Life Emerges and a book and arts critic for The Wall Street Journal and other publications

“An emotionally powerful memoir . . . I'll Be Awesome Tomorrow offers a lesson plan for upward momentum . . . not just for those struggling with their lives and influences, but those loving and supporting them, as well.”

—Midwest Book Review

“Tenderly told and peppered with hard-won wisdom, humor, and courage, the book helps us all see that coming home to one’s imperfect, true self is just fine. And that only in letting go do we find the freedom to live and love.”

—Deborah Derrickson Kossmann, award-winning author of Lost Found Kept: A Memoir‍ ‍